The Plan

So today I was supposed to have a blood pregnancy test.

We did our first round this month using an hcg trigger shot and progesterone but skipped the Clomid. My RE's office schedules a pregnancy test for all their patients on what they consider an appropriate day. I didn't want to take it though because I knew I wasn't pregnant. I've been pregnant four times now and NOT pregnant a whole bunch of other times. I knew.

Anyways, did I mention that I really like my RE? I do. He's a cool guy and is supposed to be one of the best doctors in Dallas. I asked him if we could just skip the test and talk about next month instead. We discussed options, halfway through which he said, "Whatever makes you happy. I want to keep you happy." Smart man.

Sooo. The plan is to try Letrozole (Femara) this next time around. He likes it better than Clomid and I trust him. I really did fine with the Clomid back in April so I'm curious to see how I do on this one. We'll also do the hcg trigger again and of course lovely progesterone. I hate that stuff! It gives me the most whacked out dreams...all...night...long. And makes me super drowsy. Before I can start the Letrozole though they have to 100% confirm no pregnancy so I ended up getting stuck. Plus a sono to check for cysts. In the clear there.

I thought I was going to be pretty bummed about today's appointment but I actually left hopeful and with a plan.

Yay! More hormones! :-0 I wish we would have just gone ahead and done the Letrozole this first month too but oh well. I've stopped doing the acupuncture for now because doctor visits and injections start to get pretty pricey. I miss it for sure but have decided to go this route for now. I guess in the end I'm just trading one needle for another right?

Yeah. So if you see me in the near future crying, stuffing my face, or falling asleep at my desk, let's just blame it on the meds OK?


A Day of Remembrance

Today was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I read story after story today of babies lost to online mom friends. Tears filled my eyes. Some of the things they've endured are just unthinkable. I also remember my own three angels I carried for such short times. 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and just about 48 hours.

It doesn't matter if you've lost one baby or six. Whether you carried that baby for one day or to term. If you knew you were pregnant or not. That little life finds it way into your heart within a flash and you are forever changed. Loss does change you, there's no denying that. And while I wish that no one had to go through what we've been through and worse, there is some comfort in knowing you are not alone. In knowing you have someone to talk to, someone who understands. Who "gets it." That's invaluable. I'm grateful for those people God has placed in my life. And for those of you who haven't suffered loss but still find a way to reach out. Thank you too. Thank you for making me laugh, smile, and think about anything else even for a few moments. Thank you for writing blogs I love to read. For mailing letters and cards. For continuing to be a friend. For not insisting that I get over it already and move on.

I am so beyond grateful for this little girl. She is my bright sunny spot on a dark dreary day. She is my hope and gift and come to find out, miracle. I may shed tears almost daily over babies lost and hoped for but I will never lose sight of the amazing person that she is. If we are never given another child, we are still parents. We have still been called to raise Karlyn to become all that God intends. And that is a blessing.

If you've lost a child, my heart goes out to you. You are a strong woman and one who will always look at babies, pregnancy, motherhood just a little bit differently. If you've lost a child, you are part of a large, large band of women who know what you're going through. My hope and prayer is that God continues to lead us forward, whatever that looks like, pressing on and becoming the women and mothers we were meant to be.



Just Life

We are really into picking out our own clothes these days. And accessorizing. This girl loves anything that twirls...skirt, dress, tutu. The shoes just top it off. #kidtokidforthewin

I seriously love her. Last night we had this conversation:

"Karlyn, I would be sad if I didn't have you."

"I know. If I'm ever not here, it's because I'm at a sleepover. Or a date."

"A date?!"

"I mean a play date, not a regular date. I was just kidding."


Yesterday I took a half-day off work and went and saw a movie. I got to pick my spot since I was the only one in the theater and then ponder whether this made me really cool or super lame. Luckily, two more people joined me but I still had the top middle to myself. If you don't have issues with where you sit in a movie theater I'm not sure we can be friends.

Anyways, I saw The Good Lie. And balled. like. a. baby. I really, really need someone else to go see this and tell me whether you cry or not. It doesn't have to be full on tears, just at least get a little misty-eyed and I'll feel better. I really thought it was going to be a happier flick but it was so good none the less. And maybe it was just the day, but for the first time really ever, I thought about adoption. In a positive way. Like in a, "hey, maybe we could adopt" kind of way.

I've been seeing my RE more lately. (reproductive endocrinologist) And we've kind of bonded. I definitely like him more than I did after our first consultation. We talk about jeans, and the purse I totally snagged on clearance, and he gives me extra hormones. It's fun. <hence the crying> So...yeah. I don't know. I don't know what's up ahead.

Sometimes I feel like I should apologize. Apologize for being mad a lot, for crying too much. For not being as involved as I should be. For not knowing what the heck I'm doing with my life. For thinking too much about it. For not having this amazing deep-rooted faith that says God's got this and I'm not worried about it. For not passing this test the way I should be. For being me.

But. I keep on. And on days when it gets too hard, I eat popcorn and Reese's for lunch and cry in a dark theater. Temporary cure but a good one.


Contest Winner

We have a WINNER!! Thank you to all who entered. I hope I convinced you to give Primal Pit Paste's natural deodorant a try. :-) Thanks for playing!

Sidenote: not sure what the crazy face is below :-/

a Rafflecopter giveaway


One Lovely Blog Award

Thank you to Jen at Jen's Anchor of Hope for nominating me for the One Lovely Blog Award!

The criteria for accepting the award are as follows:
  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you for the award.
  2. Add the One Lovely Blog Award logo to your post.
  3. Share 7 random facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate other blogs to receive the award - blogs that you admire for sharing stories in a "lovely" way.
7 Random Facts About Me ~

1. I have a weird habit of taking screenshots with my phone. If I see a link, article, or picture I want to be sure and read/save/remember, I'll take a screenshot of it. So, in addition to the ridiculous amount of pictures on my phone are 200 screenshots I'm going to sit down and go through one day.

2. I dislike loud noises. <This fact is coming to you courtesy of my husband> Even worse are loud, repetitive noises. I get this from my mother. The only time loud noises are allowed are during episodes of The Bachelor. Or The Voice.

3. My idea of a perfect day would be eating a delicious breakfast, heading to the gym for some weights and cardio, laying out by the pool, getting a massage, maybe a little shopping and a movie.

4. When I was younger, I took violin lessons for about...oh...two weeks. Then later I took piano lessons for a couple of years. I was actually getting pretty good and one of my biggest regrets is quitting.

5. I quit piano so that I could focus on basketball. Ya know, and play in the WNBA. I went to my first basketball camp at nine years old and won a ball handling award. I went on to play through junior high, high school, and intramurals in college. I held the three-point record for several years in high school which was six in one game.

6. My co-workers had to call an ambulance one day when I passed out at my desk. I woke up to a dozen faces staring down at me as I sat in my chair and repeated, "I'm sorry!"

7. I have grand visions of one day writing a book. And, doing a little bit of public speaking. They say if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough, right?

I nominate...

I love reading each of these lovely ladies' blogs. Go check them out!


Primal Pit Paste ~ Review and Giveaway!

 "Pit Paste." It's catchy right? ;-)

I love this stuff! And I want you to love it too. Muchas gracias to my friend Rachel for recommending it. This was my second natural deodorant to try over the past year or so. The first type I bought left me a bit irritated (redness, bumps) sticky, and I noticed some staining on a couple of shirts. No bueno. I went back to my Dove. And no sweating.

But is no sweat really a good thing? Antiperspirant/Deodorant combos are designed to keep us from sweating/smelling. A common ingredient used to do this is aluminum chloride or aluminum chlorohydrate - metallic salts. (While there have been some studies linking aluminum to breast cancer and Alzheimer's, I'm not going to cover that here.) They work to block the sweat ducts through a process that ultimately ends in sweat being produced but unable to reach the surface. Cool right? #seewhatididthere

Sweating is a perfectly normal process though, not necessarily one we want to prevent. We sweat when it's warm outside, during exercise, or when faced with a stressful situation. It's the body's natural response to keep us cool. It's not the sweat itself that smells - body odor is produced when sweat is broken down by regular skin bacteria. And while it's true that some people struggle with excessive sweating, for the average person managing B.O. is probably more important than banishing sweat forever.

Primal Pit Paste does an excellent job of just this! Their tag line boasts: KILLING THE ODOR WITHOUT KILLING YOUR BODY! and is free of aluminum and parabens. The makers wanted a product that was natural and that worked. You can read more here.

They offer a variety of deodorant strengths and scents (even for kids!) at a very affordable price point. I opted for the unscented "light" version due to my first experience. If you prefer scented, know that PPP uses pure and natural essential oils only. You can purchase a jar or stick - or both, and keep one at home and one for the road. The application is not messy but goes on smoothly and absorbs completely with no sticky residue. Also, no staining! And I love knowing I'm no longer applying aluminum and other chemicals to my arm pits everyday. :-)

Ingredients: Organic Coconut Oil, Organic Raw Shea Butter, Non-Aluminum Baking Soda, Organic Arrowroot Powder

I apologize for the photo quality!

I can officially say that this stuff holds up in the Texas heat too. We went to a balloon festival recently (NOT as fun as it sounds like) and it. was. hot. We trekked 3/4 of a mile both ways, just walking from the car and back as well as a good thirty minutes of walking in-between. Once we got home I did the sniff test and tada! No smell. None. Did I sweat? Yes but nothing too crazy. And there was absolutely no stink. #primalpitpasteforthewin

I tested it again today on a 30 minute walk and 20 minutes of weights. #stinkfree! 

SO. Who wants to win their very own Primal Pit Paste natural deodorant? I know you do! And here's your chance. Simply enter the Rafflecopter giveaway below (you must log in) and follow the instructions by leaving a blog comment. Tell me why you'd like to try PPP and which formula you'd choose. You can check them out here. For additional points (not mandatory) tweet the message below using the Rafflecopter entry. You can do this option once per day.

On Saturday the 27th, I'll announce the winner! The giveaway is for 1 jar of Primal Pit Paste.

Happy Entering! 


*Derm Net NZ